Life Support: May
By: Brite Moon
Britemoon.rising.com
Welcome to May! The sun is shining, the air is getting warmer and the bathing suits and summer digs are coming out of hiding! Yup, spring is here and those lovely birds and busy bees are out doing their thing while our summer hormones are beginning to blossom.
This time of year usually finds my friends who were boo’d up in wonderful winter relationships suddenly single. Why is that? Is your winter snuggling buddy no longer needed when it gets warm outside? Maybe being committed to one person is too sticky a situation for some when it’s coupled with the summer heat!
I think it has something to do with the hotter temperatures and the lack of clothing on those beautifully bronzed skin tones. Mix that with a few drops of sun, fun and a whole lot of out of town excursions and there you have it – the perfect blend for a single and ready to mingle summertime martini!
Spring has sprung folks so get out there and enjoy it while you can. Single or taken, there is lots of fun to be had and tons of love to be making!
Now, onto this month’s edition of Life Support…….
Dear Brite Moon,
I have been seeing this guy that I work with (I know, never mess with the people you work with) but we started hanging out at first just as friends. Eventually we moved passed that, but he only wanted to be friends with benefits. That was fine with me because I have a hectic schedule and recently got out of a 7-year relationship. Things were fine up until about a week ago. We had spoken and the conversation was normal, but since he won’t look at me, return a text or talk to me. When I asked him if he was mad at me he said no and walked away. I'm really frustrated and want to know what happened. Everyone keeps telling me to leave him alone. That he's obviously a loser if he can't have the courtesy to talk to me. So much for us being "friends". What should I do?
Signed,
Desperately Seeking Advice
Dear Desperately Seeking Advice,
First things first girly! He is not only a loser for not having the courtesy to speak to you, but he is incredibly immature as well and does not respect you. Work place relationships, even if there is a “friend with benefits” disclaimer hardly ever work! You are too close in proximity to one another to be able to separate business from pleasure. It can start with a lunchtime “date” and end up with all your business pouring from the lips of your co-workers! In this case, whatever issues you may have outside of the office are affecting your relationship during business hours. Not good! Separation at this point would be vital. Truthfully, I think he’s doing you a favor. Do you really want to be friends with someone who has a problem with open lines of communication? And are the benefits really worth the hassle? Very doubtful! Cliché as it is, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and some sexy sharks too! Be patient and wait for the right one to grab hold of your enticingly womanly self. Remember, the bait you throw out will ultimately decide what kind of man will bite!
Dear Brite Moon,
I have a friend who is in an abusive relationship. Single, she smiles and we’re always in touch, but when he’s back she “can’t have friends”. I tried telling her that she deserves better, but she really wants them to be a family because they have a child. On one occasion, my husband and I were dragged into her drama and on a second she hung up on me for refusing to wake up my husband and come to her house in the middle of the night. She’s even lied to police officers to keep this man out of trouble and removed a restraining order against him. It’s gotten to the point that my husband doesn’t want us to be friends because he doesn’t want me to get hurt mixed up in her drama, but it’s hard for me to totally give up on someone who needs help, even when they refuse to seek it. Should I stopping trying to rescue her and realize that her ex is probably not going anywhere or should I keep 911 on standby if she needs my help?
Signed,
Concerned For a Friend
Dear Concerned For a Friend,
It’s obvious that you care a great deal for your friend. First, I want to commend on your courage by coming to her aid when she called for you and your husband’s assistance. Domestic violence and/or abusive relationships as well as those who are involved in these types of situations are very unpredictable. You never know what you may have to face or just how dangerous a situation may become. My first bit of advice to you is…. DO NOT DO IT AGAIN! This is a repetitive situation and personal interference may cause more harm than good for you and especially for your friend.
Two statements from your letter stand out as huge red flags for this situation. They will most likely be your biggest roadblocks when trying to offer any help at all in reference to your friend’s abuse.
“When he’s back she “can’t have friends” –If she chooses to go along with his rules and cut off your friendship than she shows with whom her priorities lay at that time. Keep in mind that although she may still care about your friendship she may be more concerned with her relationship. If she feels strongly that she wants it to work with him for her family’s sake, then that will be her focus.
“She’s even lied to police officers to keep this man out of trouble and removed a restraining order against him.” – As much as you would like to help her, you cannot help someone who is not willing to help themselves. Your friend has more control over this situation than anyone else could. She has to be ready and whole-heartedly pushing for change. Covering the abuse by lying to the authorities is a sign that she is probably not ready.
You asked about whether you should keep 911 on standby…. Absolutely! If you do receive a call for help, call 911 first. Explain the situation and give the police dispatcher a brief history. Doing this, will allow you to send help without having to be directly involved.
Naturally because you care about your friend’s well being you want to help and you will be there regardless of the situation. I can understand that. You may need to learn to be more creative in your tactics to keep yourself out of harm’s way while still lending a hand to the situation. A good place to start would be The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-779-SAFE or www.ndvh.org. They offer all of the resources you or your friend may need in a research capacity or if help is needed in an emergency situation. Best of luck to you both!
LIFE SUPPORT…. your emergency may be the help that someone else needs.
Keep your questions coming! If you’d like to see your question in the next edition, send an email to britemoon.rising@gmail.com
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